Small Talk, Big Deal: Tips for Networking with Confidence

By: Alexis Rusnak

What comes to mind when you think about small talk? Often, people associate small talk with being trivial or superficial. Others find it too stressful and overwhelming to take part in.

In the AEC industry, technical expertise will take you far, but relationships often determine the opportunities that come your way. Whether you’re attending an industry event, meeting a client for the first time, or connecting with a new coworker, those conversations can feel intimidating. While these interactions may seem small, they often set the tone for future relationships and opportunities. Small talk plays a major role in the first impression you leave, and a strong first impression can be life-changing.

I learned this early on, growing up playing travel lacrosse. Every season meant a new team, new girls, new dynamics, and new conversations. If you met me now, you would probably never guess it, but I was naturally shy and found meeting new people incredibly intimidating. Over time, I realized that those small, simple conversations were the foundation for building real connections.  

You may think, “I’m just not good at this,” just like I used to. But the truth is, small talk is a skill, and like any skill, it can be developed with practice.  

In this article, I’ll share why small talk matters and practical strategies to help improve your skills. My hope is that it makes meeting new people, networking, and building professional relationships feel a little less intimidating and a lot more manageable.  

Why Small Talk Matters 

Builds rapport and trust 

I’ve found that small talk helps people get a sense of who you are and feel more at ease around you. The more comfortable I feel with someone, the more willing I am to open up and share, whether that’s something new I’ve learned, a recent project, or something as simple as my current favorite restaurant. Sharing those small details helps people move beyond titles and roles and see each other as people with unique interests, experiences, and perspectives. When that happens, trust develops more naturally, creating mutual respect and allowing for more meaningful conversation. Those initial interactions, even if they seem simple, often set the tone for a stronger connection.

Reduces social anxiety 

From my experience, meeting new people can feel overwhelming and daunting. I’ve found myself wondering if I’m talking too much, if I should end the conversation, or if the person would rather be speaking with someone else. My heart starts to pound, my palms get sweaty, and I’m looking for the nearest exit.

Having a few small talk skills to rely on makes a big difference. It takes the pressure off and allows you to focus less on what to say next and more on being present. Instead of mentally rehashing my next question or worrying about whether I’m making a good impression, I can focus on the person in front of me and respond with intention. When you’re more present, conversations feel more genuine and less transactional.

Creates opportunities 

I’ve also seen how small talk can lead to opportunities you would not expect. A simple conversation can introduce you to a new idea, a different perspective, or even a job opportunity. 

As someone who used to avoid putting myself out there, I never realized how many opportunities can come from simply starting a conversation. Recently, I was able to get a position coaching eighth-grade girls lacrosse because I walked up to the coach running another clinic I was attending. That conversation led to an incredibly rewarding opportunity to teach a sport I’m passionate about. Had I left without introducing myself, that opportunity never would have existed.

Some of the most meaningful relationships I’ve built started with small, everyday interactions. You never really know who someone knows or what they might share, and that’s what makes conversations so valuable.

How to Improve Your Small Talk Skills 

Prepare a few go-to topics 

One thing that’s helped me feel more confident is having a few topics in mind before going into a conversation. It’s not about rehearsing, but rather about not starting from zero.  

These topics can be simple, like your hobbies or interests, or more professional, like something you learned in a podcast or read in an industry newsletter. My go-to topics tend to be sports, trying new restaurants, and trends I’m seeing in the AEC market. Depending on the setting, I might ask someone if they’ve been watching a particular team, tried any new restaurants in the area, attended any recent industry events, or heard about an interesting project in the market. Following industry leaders on social media, like LinkedIn, or staying up to date on industry trends can also give you easy conversation starters.

Having a few of these topics in your back pocket makes it much easier to get a conversation going.  

Practice active listening 

Something I didn’t realize at first is that strong small talk isn’t about talking more; it’s about listening better. Active listening has made a big difference in how I connect with people. I used to find myself thinking of my response when the person I was talking to was only halfway through their sentence. I would be more worried about crafting the perfect response than listening. More than once, I realized I had completely missed what someone was trying to tell me because I was too busy planning what I wanted to say next.

Active listening means being fully present in the conversation. I try to maintain open body language, face the person I’m speaking with, and make natural eye contact. Small things like nodding, leaning in slightly, or saying “that’s interesting” or “I see” show that you’re engaged. Repeating back or paraphrasing what someone has shared not only demonstrates that you’re listening but also helps keep you focused and engaged in the conversation. Just as important, I try to avoid interrupting and limit distractions.

When someone feels heard, the conversation becomes more meaningful, and the connection feels more real.  

Ask open-ended questions 

One of the easiest ways that I’ve found to keep a conversation going is by asking open-ended questions. These types of questions invite more detail and help uncover common ground.

I used to ask questions that could be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”, and conversations would often stall out after a few minutes. Once I started asking people to tell me more about their experiences, projects, or interests, the conversations felt more natural and engaging.

Simple questions like “tell me more about that,” “what are your thoughts on that,” or “how did you get started in your field” can naturally lead to deeper conversations. They also demonstrate genuine interest, which people tend to remember. I’ve found that when people are allowed to talk about something they’re passionate about, they become more comfortable, open, and engaged. It shifts from exchanging information to building a connection.

 Final Takeaway 

Like anything else, small talk takes practice. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s part of the process.

What has made the biggest difference for me is focusing less on saying the perfect thing and more on being myself. When you lead with authenticity, conversations feel easier and more natural.  Once I realized everyone in the room was trying to do the same thing as me, simply meet people, it took a lot of pressure off. My main mindset going into networking events now is that I’m there to be curious, learn something new, and remind myself that this doesn’t have to feel so formal.

Over time, those small conversations add up and turn into relationships, stronger networks, and amazing opportunities you never expected.